Lost

It is Sunday.. I wake up around 6am with no reason.. My brain was empty.. Covering myself with my blanket..Thinking nothing...

Checking through my mobile, there's nothing... not even a call, or message... :) it is kind of painful.. ahhhhh........

Honestly, i feel tired nowadays... mentally tired.. Not because of work, it just something disturbing me .. what is that ? I feel something bad gonna happen soon ?? hope not..

I want to have a long rest..i wish to sleep...

I'm sorry but i have to...

What i expected to be happen, finally it came.. Even thought it is a really terrible feeling but i done it.. and im really done with it and i made the choice for days.... I did something cruel to hurt someone that i love.. Feeling regret after doing it, but i have to ... i cant think of any other ways to solve it and i thought of this stupid idea and i hurted someone..

Happiness is not with me for a period of time , it had been in a hard time and it getting worst these days, getting depression all the time .. I'm out of mind.. I'm fine to be a bad person if it can make ones happy... What i can do is just Let the misunderstanding going on... what people think of me and so on... Sorry for being stupid, it just i have to....

i'm really afraid... God, am i doing the right thing ? i need your help..

The Truth hurts alot.

She is a forgotten soul
[ He doesn't talk to her as before ]
She is bleeding internally
[ He pierced her heart with a blade ]
She is dead mentally
[ He killed her with the truth ]
She was in love
[ He is the reason ]

I shouldn't start in the beginning...

“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt”

Fear

Today is Monday.... hmm... i dont think i had a plan.. Just feel like staying at home makes me feel so good even though it is quite bored... lolx...

It is the time to make myself cool down and make my mind clear. I have to face the fact even though it is quite painful... Flash back all the memories, oh no~... thts difficult...but what can i do ? I think i need to rest.. feeling regret why this happen to me ... My heart is numb...totally no feeling at all..

"what are you doing now " i wish to ask... but how ? I cant see, i cant feel, i cant touch... far far away from me.... T.T

I wish to sleep ....sleep forever....


Nattie.

Devils of the 1st degree.. F you..

There's different kind of people in this world... I'm so unlucky to have few weird and naive friends around me which making my life so damn pissed off and so complicated... even your best friends did that, It is not the first time.... Last night was a terrible night for me, I felt so hopeless on them. Everyone thinks that i'm a bitch, But i dont give a shit at all.. Talking bad about people , back stabbing on someone ... this is how they treat me ... Is this called as friend ? Maybe yes , but for me <> i cant accept this ... I dont mind to lose a friend and i'm NOT DESERVE to have this kind of friend. I dont need them at all...

Try to be more mature in everything, Having FUN and getting SERIOUS is different thing.. If they still cant differenciate between this 2 words , is time to go back to school . Being a 21s , but still act like kid.. what the fuck right ??! Anywyas, IT wont affect my daily life.. I need to work , and i need to take care of my family .. I'm working hard to going on with my life.. I love my family so much , why should i care of all this kind of small things ..

If they think that it is part of their entertainment life, go ahead then.. Talk more and comment more... As long as you guys feel happy , i dont mind to be a clown.. :) because i used to be a "clown". It is not working if i keep on fighting verbally with them.. becasue if i keep on making myself clear , they still prefer to stand in the other side. So i give up, keeping myself silent doesnt mean that i'm guilty ... It just becuase i feel so so so damn shame on you guys if i do it..

I"M TRUST NOBODY ...

"JUst be cool and ignore" - Thanks for the words from sweetie... i will remember that... :P



Keep on moving Nat !!!

Letting you go

Today is another day again... 14/09/09... It will be my tough day too~ I feel like my mind is so numb now and my heart feel so cold... it is painful.. I try to touch my heart ,and my tears rolling down..... I thought im enough of crying .. but the feeling is so bad... I wish to tell someone how i feel.. But i dont know where to start with. I called my mum , im happy to hear her voice but i dont want to make her worry about me so i just keep for myself ... i called my sister, i lost control... i cried... But... i kept for myself again... I dont wish to disturb anyone ...

Sitting on the floor , staring at the corner, listening to the songs.. my hands feel cold ... Flashing back all the memories that we have been go through... my tears drop... Everything will be back as usual ... It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you cant have them in your arms.. Love hurts when you break up with someone and it hurts even more when someone break up with you or cheating on you .. Love hurts when the person you love doesnt know how you feel.. But Love hurts most when the person you love is happy with someone now... Trying not to miss you too much, trying to forget you .. trying to give up everything..... I'm letting you go , you can do what you want... You're free now....

Be tough on myself ... be strong... and be cool........ no matter how sad am i , the ending will be the same.......................




Love,
Nat

Nothing... but Love

Here I sit on my bed thinking about all the things that I´ve been through ,there were times where I never thought I get to where I got to ... I need an angel to guide me, someone to lay on...
I could hold on to pain but that isnt what my life´s about and I'm not blaming nobody if I ain´t got my stuff worked out ... I got love for my self, and im not gonna regret anything I´ve done ....

Counting Down The Days

Every time when I'm standing in front of the mirror, I saw you.. You're there for 5 seconds and you disappeared. I smiled.. Looking at my face, my eyes.. they seems really tired and pain...I touched my eyes with my fingers, it was so warm and pain..Fingers feel the tears and i started to cry silently in my room.. It is hard to breath... Trying to take a long deep breath, but heart started to bleed at the same time.

Counting down the days.. but can i stop it ? I hate looking at the calendar... But i remember the date.. It makes me feel so pain ...


gloomy...


Natalie

Bad Depression

Today 3/09/09 .. It is the hardest moment i have right now.... I dont know what to do and i dont know where should i headed to.... I just cant share what i feel now. Looking at the mirror, the girl inside the mirror is crying. I brushes my teeth by looking at the mirror, tears falls down. My heart feels pain. Being an actor to be looking cool, it is hard... But i have to learn ... Everyone says, crying might make you feel better. I did it when im alone. I dont wish to let someone knows what i'm going through..

What i feel, I really thanks God for giving me a precious memory which i had dream for a long time. But it doesnt last long, at least i tried.
Time passes so fast, everything going to back as usual.. Tears getting dry when i see myself in the mirror.. My eyes, my nose, my lips.... being touched warmly... The places we went , the food that we ate , the moment that we spent , the movie that we watched ... between you and me will be always in my mind..

God , please give me some strength to go through this situation.. I need YOU.




Natalie..... 3/9/09

How to Love a Man Successfully ?

If you do this then this will eventually turn him away from you and if you really love this man you do not want that. Learn what his favorite foods are and cook for him. Be an INDEPENDENT woman because men don't like women who are always "needy". Most men are really sensitive so don't be so quick to bash him, embrace him.

A lot of women have the tendency of judging a man by his flaws instead of his good attributes. Doing this will get you no where especially if he's a really good man who has only a few down falls. Keep people out of your relationship. When you demonstrate that you are happy, people (family too) like to tear you down because misery loves company. Learn to be a catering woman.

That does not mean you have to go running to him every time he calls but a man loves a woman who will have his back when he needs her to. Some men are very funny acting as in when they are upset they do not like to be bothered, just allow him to calm down then he will come to you when he's ready.

Do not chase him, if you do that then you may scare him away and you do not want that. In a sense men are like babies and need to be pampered and nurtured. In closing, love your man the way you want him to love you and I guarantee you will have happiness.

Natalie 16/08/09

Why Do Men Cheat In A Relation?

The reason why men cheat is very different from the reason why women cheat.
It can be the result of genetics, self esteem, competition or lack of interest in the relationship they have with their current partner.
Well, all these reasons cannot be called 100% correct or credible. But, they can give a very clear cut idea about it.

Some guys are very susceptible as they have a very high level of testosterone in their bodies. Hence, they have greater level of sexual desire.

However, a lot of men have a very high level of sexual desire but nobody can claim that it is the only reason for being unfaithful with their spouse.
This reason sounds weird but it becomes a reason worth noticing at times.

Another reason is that men cheat due to the sense of challenge in them.
Men like challenges. So, they feel it challenging to attract other women also and just to satisfy their ego, they become unfaithful to their partner.
Getting girls everyday is like a matter of prestige for some men. They take it like a challenge and do it to fan their ego.

Sometimes, it is just the wish to have sex with many women that drives them crazy and compel them to become unfaithful.

Men, sometimes, cheat because people around them have a tendency to cheat and they learn it from these people. These people are their friends who go around with many women and feel that they are smart enough to attract women! These friends force them to compete and prove their worth.

However, there are no fixed rules for it but understanding the problem helps us a lot to solve it.

Natalie

Life of single

While it may seem that there are happy couples everywhere, a single teen may feel very lonely and depressed at times. It is important to keep things in perspective. Teenagers must deal with several stressful events, such as huge hormonal changes, pressure to perform well in school and family responsibility. While it may seem that happy couples are everywhere; it is important to remember that each person in that couple was single before they met each other. In addition, they may single again in a year, a month or a day from now. Being single can have it good points. It can allow a person to concentrate on areas of their life that may be ignored if spending a lot of time with another person. A teen can focus on sports, studying, hobbies and friends. A teenager should never feel pressure to date or be in a relationship simply because others are doing so. Everyone is different and must live in the way that is best for them. No one remains single forever. There is a match for everyone; it is simply a matter of time.

Being single can have its ups and downs, and people can lose confidence in themselves, but people have to pursue the career of their lives so they can increase their confidence. This is something that I had to learn.



Natalie.

Relationships and Age Difference...

A lot of people may say that age is a state of mind, that a person is only as old as they feel. That is an upbeat and optimistic approach to aging; however the question is if that applies when it comes to relationships. It has quite often been acceptable for a male to be the older person in a relationship. Some issues can arise if the opposite happens; a younger man and an older woman. In addition, there can be some issues as well, if the male is many years older than the female. It is possible to have a secure and loving relationship in which there is an age difference, if both people involved understand certain issues that may arise and they can work together to resolve them. One dynamic that can make or break a relationship is the common ground that you share with the other person. Most people will undoubtedly get along with someone who has similar interests and hobbies. A night owl versus a morning bird will certainly not be in sync with each other. The same theory holds true for interests. While it is healthy to have some of your own personal interests, it is very helpful to the relationship that you share time together doing things that you both enjoy. Think about whether the age difference will affect activities done together; whether they be hiking, skiing or watching movies, these times spent together will keep the relationship strong. Most importantly, if you and your partner feel you are right for each other, age will not matter. We all begin our quest for love as young adults and we live with the intention of holding strong into our senior years. If two people are lucky enough people find each other, it usually will not matter at which point in life they do so. When it comes to love, age is just a number.



Natalie
Natalie

He never love me at all.

He admits he doesn't love me at all since the day we broken up?

I still remember it was in the year of 2005, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. Whilst he behaves in a loving manner and is respectful and caring, he never tells me he loves me, he was trying to avoid telling me "I LOVE YOU" in fact he tells me he doesn't until the day we broke up. Should I accept this at face value and leave, or could it be self preservation on his part and I should be a little patient with him?

I use to ask him why he didn't tell me he loved me and his reply "was that he wasn't sure he did" He cares alot, does all the right things but he just doesn't love me in that "in love kinda way" I think cause our 2 yr is coming up I started asking him how he see the future and if his feelings had grown over the last year. He said he couldn't picture his life without me in it but he still doesn't have the head over heels in love feelings for me. I think after 2 yrs someone would know if they could ever love you.

After a year with my boyfriend he told me "I really like you." I never asked if he loved me because telling me he likes me gave me the answer. He treats me extremely well and is VERY caring WHEN we are together which is mostly on weekends. He includes me in any events with family and/or friends. However, he sometimes doesn't call me for two or three days at a time and when I asked him why he said he gets busy.. there isn't anything to talk about so there is no sense for him to call me every day. When he talks to his friends he has occasionally made statements in the middle of a cheerful, fun conversation, saying to someone, "that's why I love you so much." He has said that to friends probably 6 times in the past year. My take on the whole things is love is never going to happen so....

Till now, He's still in my mind. I remembered him.. It is going to be the 3rd years since the day we broke up.. We did keep in touch. Just like a good friend to me. And i guess he's prepared to marry . Anyways, I'm trying to leave myself open for someone who WILL fall in love with me.



Nat { Rainy days }

Love Depression Makes Me Feel Cold. .....

Depression is inevitable if you love someone very much and that person either does not love you the same way or there are few hurdles that hinder you to be together. Love actually transforms you into a slave or completely dominates over you. This kind of feeling is actually a disease that hits you badly. You become weak and also dependent on your beloved. When this person does not care for you, you feel upset and all alone. Love is truly wonderful when it is reciprocal and the person you love is very nice, caring and ready to give you anything you want. This would be the ideal recognition of your dreams!

However, reality is different and far away from the perfection... You can have couple of problems. You actually don't know whether this person really loves you or not. Some times the person also does not come up to your expectations, which ultimately creates problems.

You may also enter into a relationship that you have never dreamt of. You can feel this, because the person you love does not care for you as much as you do or maybe because their personality is immature, selfish and mysterious. This type of person is not the one that you desire. Since you are in love, so you ignore these things in good faith and hope that he or she will change and care for you, share life with you, etc. Actually nothing changes as per your good wishes.

Dreams are very meaningful. Dreams produce important messages of the unconscious side of your psychic sphere that guides you and protects you from the craziness that you already inherit in the wild side of your conscience. It actually remains in its original pattern without the change in conscious. Love makes you very sensitive and irrational. You therefore make several mistakes, which you must avoid. The unconscious is well aware that love plays a very important role in your life, so it transmits several dreams to you with specific information about the person whom you love. The purpose of this information is to protect you, keep your human conscience alive and also develop it in the best possible manner.

When you are in love, you need protection and guidance to direct you, what to do. You need this direly, as you are depending on the behaviour of a very special person for you. If not , you feel very weak and drained.

HUrts,,,

Natalie

What "HE" Wants Actually...

That was the only time i met him and the last time i chated to him. Few weeks later and you still havent talked to him but you found his myspace and you wanted to ask him a question, instead of saying hey whats up because i wanted the conversation to be interesting, i wanted him to say something that is worth talking about. the reason i still keep in touch with him it is because im interested on him , he’s all you ever think about but he’s few years older than me and you’re not so sure if he feels the same way. I just want the conversation to be interesting. what do i ask him?

I know i probably thinking i can’t love someone who only met once... webcam...etc... Sometimes you might feel helpless and you feel heart break when you think of him.. It just like , you wish to have him in your life. But it is impossible unless there's miracle appear.

... What guys want..

They will prefer a girl with a sense of humor as well as someone who can laugh at herself in the face of embarrassment. A girl who doesn't get jealous of other women (and trust me men will look, you can't stop this genetic problem, as long as they don't 'look' for too long and they DO NOT touch) and a girl who is physically into her man. A girl who is friendly and gets on well with his friends, but not so well that he may feel threatened by it. Guys like a girl who is able to support herself. This doesn't mean you need to be a millionaire, it just means you don't have your hand out expecting him to bail you out of your financial troubles as soon as you get together. Most men are attracted to a girl who is independent. It shows strength of character.

Besides that, a girl who doesn't continually worry about her weight, what's she's eating and complaining that she's overweight. The guys I interviewed said it's not a girl's size that counts, it's whether she could pull off a great personality. Apparently weight issues annoy them very much. So gals' get over it and love yourself for who you are!! The guys will love you too! For a girl who respects the time 'he' needs with his friends. As you need with yours, this is what guys like too.

Now I want to tell all you girls out there that although we should not conform to what a male wants, we should consider the male perspective (especially about the weight). Sometimes men can be right. Sometimes women can be right. Many of the needs outlined are pretty cool really! These guys were all refreshingly level headed.

It seems, most guys want a fun, passionate, well adjusted, independent girl who's not too scared to try new things. And really for most girls, that's what we strive to be anyway (so they can't be that far off the mark, can they?)

So there's hope for us all!

Natalie .. 21/11/08

What Girls Want ??

A girl wants a man. A wealthy man, a successful men, a famous man, an interesting man, a macho, a talented man, a loving man, a man she loves, a father for her children, a friend, a sex-machine – details may differ, but the main point stays the same. She wants a man. Some females want just money or a career, but if she denies her willingness to meet a real man – she lies. Moreover, girl’s demands to what she calls a good man vary as she gets older.

A girl of 22 wants a prince on a white horse. A girl may claim she’s realistic and doesn’t look on the world through the pink glasses, but she’ll never confess dreaming of an ideal man. He’s got to be handsome, charming, popular. He’s got to be rich - probably not so rich, but always in funds. Of course, he’s got to be generous to spend money on her. He’s got to be smart, brilliantly smart– to some girls it’s even more important than being very handsome, but of course his mind is never more important than his purse. He’s got to have a great sense of humor, to be athletic, stylish, romantic and a good listener, tender lover and... well, the list of his qualities can be prolonged on and on. A girl wants a man to adore her and to make her the goddess with flowers, gifts and promises of eternal love laid at her feet.

A girl of 32 wants just a good man. She has finally taken off those pink glasses and got rid of romantic fantasies. So her good man mustn’t be a hero – he is good-looking, has good manners, a well-paid job, a good car, a good house, and a good sum of money on a credit card. Also he carries bags from supermarket, likes her home-cooked dinners, laughs at her jokes, remembers the most important dates – like her mom’s birthday, and able to express tenderness not less than one time per week. Such a nice domestic kind of a good man.

A girl of 42 wants just a man. That ordinary kind of man is not a movie star, he even has a belly instead of muscles– good if the shirt covers it all; sometimes a head lacking hair, but still isn’t too disgusting. He shaves by the weekends, is still “athletic” enough to do some housework, remembers where to laugh in the jokes, nods to show he’s listening, takes her out once a month, drives her to the supermarket and back, doesn’t set the car in motion until all women’s parts of body are in, and puts the water-closet pan’s seat down.

A girl of 52 wants... well she just lives with that man. It’s really nice if he remembers her name, shaves during weekends, sometimes gets a haircut, changes underwear and socks regularly, borrows money not too often, tries to behave himself in public. It’s great if he also finds the strength to leave the coach for some weekends, notices delicious dinner while watching TV, doesn’t always fall asleep while listening to a person. By this age a woman doesn’t expect much, in fact she asks for the very minimum.

A girl of 62 wants a man who won’t disturb her too often. She’s a lucky one, if he’s not too scary to make his own grandchildren cry, if he still remembers where the bathroom is, where his teeth are, what month it is, who this woman is, what he is laughing at, and etc. A woman will appreciate his ability to get up, dress properly without much help from her side. The top of all dreams is if it doesn’t cost a lot to keep that man, and if there are some places in the house, where his snore doesn’t reach.

A girl of 72... well, some “girls” do live that long, but what about men? Are you sure he’s still breathing? And he doesn’t leave puddles in the water-closet? Oh, that’s a real treasure for a tired girl of 72.

Most relationships wouldn't last if there wasn't a reason as well as the love.

Sure, love can be a reason, but what reason is, isn't necessarily described in words.

Affection, and how people are happy around each other. These feelings, when they are felt bothways, then there is hope for lasting relationships, and reason is what makes these feelings last. True reason, that is. If 'reason', like say, money, is a reason to love, that is wrong and not reason nor love, simply greed.

Good Luck .

Natalie 12/11/08

HE

.... Words from HIM .......

" Listen! I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, i will come into his house and eat with him, and he will eat with Me, Jesus. "

Love & Friendships

Platonic love is very much a part of any close friendship. But such a love doesn't always stay platonic. Sometimes it turns into passionate love. Crossing that line, between friendship and love, can be both beautiful and extremely difficult.

Friendship is a marvelous gift. But, sometimes, it's not the whole of what we have to offer.



Nat

The Man I love doesnt love me. ...

Question from Serene :

“ I dont understand why someone would say they love you, and ask you to move in with them and talk about marriage, but then instead of simply saying I dont want to go out with you anymore - he just ignores me. Twice now. After the first time when he came back i made him wait and work hard to gain my trust back and he has just thrown it back at me. Why on earth cant he just be honest with me instead of blanking me?”

Replied , Natalie :

I don't know what this man is playing at. He could be playing a game with your emotions or he could simply be confused and scared of commitment and when you get too close, he has to back off. Whatever the reason, this is no good for you and you need to end it now.

This guy sounds like he has some problems and he's putting these on you. Please don''t allow this to continue, you need to get strong again and move on from this. How can you love someone who hurts you so badly? I know we've all been there and we all get through it in the end but you need to take the first steps to getting your life back on track.

You need to tell him whatever you both had is over and he is not to contact you again. You need to spend time on your own, getting to know you again and building back up the girl you were before all this, as some of that person has probably fallen by the wayside. We have to understand we may not ever understand why they do things. But if something is going on that causes you discomfort you should not allow it to go on. We cannot allow them to run into and out of our lives because if something is meant to be it will.
I know it can be hard when you love someone but this is just dragging you in deeper and deeper and it's not fair on either of you. Please seek some help if you need it, to build your confidence back up and make sure this man is out of your life for good so you can move forward.

Stay Strong and Good Luck.

Natalie

….Personal Story by Natalie...

I still remember the date, the time, the place... In a blink of any eye, It had been 3 years. I asked him to tell me the truth. That if he doesn't love me, he should just say it. It took him at least a half hour, and he kept crying. At one point he even said "Why do you think it's so hard for me to say it?" "Because you don't want to hurt me." "That's not it!" and I thought.. I thought that he was going to tell me he loved me. But a few minutes later he finally did it. "I don't love you,___" And I was crushed. I still am.. but another part of me still thinks he's hiding it. Once a guy had changed, it is difficult to pull him back to you again. I believe in this. Until he come back to you , it will be not the same feelings anymore.