Kittens

I wish to have a kitten.. But it seems everyone around me disagree with it. Seldom people like cats. Even though my soulmates.. they freaking hate cats. :S
Cant you guys see this picture >>>>>>>>>> She is cute right... aww~ I feel like kissing and rubbing her tummy.. heheh...~

Guess what name should i give ? Gaga ? muahahah~ Tori ? Zsa Zsa? Dink ?? Pixie ? hahah... it is so fun... :P

I'm sure one day i will have one... !!!
:) heheh....



Natalie

Feeling of getting Tipsy..

I dont feel protected. ... You're not here when i need you.. I 've tried to ignore everything , but i cant. You're so selfish.. You said you want to be private... Have you ever think about me ? I tried to make decision... but you seems like you're not agree with it... It is my fault of being so soft - hearted. Everynight i wish you're beside me...but it seems like my best soulmate will spend most of the time with me... I miss you alot... i dont know where should i express my feelings.. i feel tired and pain... and seems like you're so enjoy your life... I'm not the right one for you , i can feel that...
IF you dont feel alright , you're not losing me by letting me know. Go ahead and say good bye , i will be alright. GO ahed and make me cry, i will be alright.. no drama and not for a show please...

:(

Tipsy Nat

The feeling of an Injection

I'm on MC today.. It just becuase i ate prawns yesterday... Now my body and arms feel so itchy........ ahhh~!!! I hate it...
There's a clinic somewhere near my condo, and this is my first time to get in there. You know what, i forgot to bring my ID card... T.T luckily the nurse proceed everything with my ID card... *weird*
Waited for an half and hour, it's my turn.. The doctor told me that i have to get an injection... @.@ *numb* ....... just go..... I'm not afraid of injection , it just ... I HATE it... !
Natalie looked like an ALIEN now.. red marks on my legs and arms. :S itchy somemore... why why why!!
I love SEAFOOD.............. T.T

Bad Rumors about me

I feel like crying now honestly... I got rumors about me.. but it seems like everyone believe it.. SOmeone that i expected who know about it will take care of me.. but.. it seems like im wrong... He is putting the blame on me.. It is not my fault to make things happen. i feel like crying badly.. I need help , i really need help... :(

It came back again... why...

All the while i thought i might get rid of this feelings.. But , it came back again. It is inside my mind. The feeling is pain. Every morning once i wake up the first thing i do is .. Sitting infront of the mirror and look at myself.. look at my face... It looks tired and at the same time i feel pain in my heart. Whats wrong with me again ? There's something .... there's really got something.. it just i dont know how to express myself.. I feel helpless and i dont know where to start from. What should i do... Talking to friends is a good way .. but it just, i dont feel like telling them. I dont feel like disturbing them.. They're busy enough.. Family ? impossible.. they will worry about me ...

The purpose im writing here.. i need your advise.. Nowadays , i had a really bad dream... This is the first time and i woke up.. My tears kept on rolling down...I cried. I know something will happen. I'm scared..
Sitting at the balcony, i think of my past. Everything changed. Now , i feel like im just living alone. I dont feel like sharing. I wish to be shared but... i feel insecure.

I felt sorry for what i did in my past. Sorry for hurting someone that i love... sincerely apologize... but im forced to do that. It just because of this, i cant forgive myself.. I feel guilty.. i feel pain.. i hate this feeling.. But it just like a reminder for me.. it haunted me for a long time.. ........
really scared.........

Chinese New Year

HmM~~ i dont think im able to have a long holiday for my CNY... Office need people.. :S
I wish to go back home, miss my parents so muchie...... :S and im the only one who gonna stay in the officeeeeee..... with my manager and the malay staffss... arrgghhh~! so unfair... huh!

2010

Happy New Year 2010 everyone.. !!

It is already 2010.. Should i change everything to new one? hahaha... jk..
Anyways, I will be using my new lovely leather diary, which is in Pink colour , made from Korea. :) Everything is in Korean words.. But, yeah.. I dont understand at all.. But at least i get new of them.. hahaha... Thanks for my lovely "friend" to send me this as my Christmas gift.

Last day for 2009

Yayay~!! Today is the last day for 2009...

I would like to say that In this year 2009 , There's alot of bad things happen to me. It was making me up and down. Between the month of September till Nov, It was my worst chapters. It's driving me craziiee.. Feeling sorry to my friends and family which makes me them feel worry about me. At the same time, i would like to say thank you , because they always taking care of me... Guide me to the opposite ways.. Without you guys, i would not be able to stay longer.

Today is 31/12/2009, im in my office and i have to update all my follow ups... It will be a lil busy than usual. But im okay with it.. :) Tonight, im going to have a new year eve dinner with my girls. Hope tonight will be a great night for me... :)

My dream for 2010 ,First, I wan to be attached.. hahahhahaha........ i dont want to celebrate a lonely valentines' day again and again.... :S... God please give me some LUCK... hahahahha... :P
Second, i wish to have some improvements again in my career. :) Third, My lovely family... happy go lucky like usual.. hahahaha... stay healthy and happy.. :)

Wish you all a Happy New Year... 2010 ..


Natalie

Xmas day

Just because of christmas day, this week I ate too much.it is crazily a lot. I feel so guilty about it. But I had a really great time with ma best sisters. Drink drink drink eat eat eat . This is what I do for this week. So today is christmas day, wish everyone a merry christmas and happy new year.

Mum and dad, stay healthy and I love you all so much. God bless you.


Nat

She is just another playa ... Guess who is she ?

Come on girls , All you have to do is be a player yourself, how?

Well, you have to play hard to get. Guys whos are players are not easy to trap because they know they have other options or other bitches as they call them, so they aint gonna waste your time with you if you dont show them you are interesting.
The best way to get their attention is to show them you are smart , players love girls who are smart because they love that challenge, so make him challenge you and all that time while he is being challenged he will spend more time with you and will get to know you more, the more time you spend together, the more closer he gets to you if you want make a guy who you think its a player.

Make him yours, its not going to be easy but its possible.




Nat

I'm still remain the same as before..

Being a 3rd party is really bad, your wrecking a relationship. What if you’re on the shoes of the person being cheated on, how would you feel? We also have what we call "KARMA" .I’m sure you don’t wanna put yourself on that situation. Some clever people say that being a 3rd party is also a good thing to make the couple realize that they’re not meant for each other but that’s a lame excuse.

It’s better if you commit to a person who’s not taken yet just to make things legal. No one will be against the relationship, no hassles, complications and no guilt. You won’t be called a "BITCH" or "SLUT" ... you should also consider the status of the relationship even before the 3rd party came into the picture.. because if the relationship is smooth-sailing no one can get into it. meaning 3rd party does not have any place in the picture.. so before you blame other poeple you should take a look into your relationship. you can't just blame other poeple for your failure

Please Understand, i dont like the feeling of being a 3rd party because i dont like to share my love ones to others..... Can you feel me ? :(

It is easy to be heavy ; hard to be light.

If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to

Lost

It is Sunday.. I wake up around 6am with no reason.. My brain was empty.. Covering myself with my blanket..Thinking nothing...

Checking through my mobile, there's nothing... not even a call, or message... :) it is kind of painful.. ahhhhh........

Honestly, i feel tired nowadays... mentally tired.. Not because of work, it just something disturbing me .. what is that ? I feel something bad gonna happen soon ?? hope not..

I want to have a long rest..i wish to sleep...

I'm sorry but i have to...

What i expected to be happen, finally it came.. Even thought it is a really terrible feeling but i done it.. and im really done with it and i made the choice for days.... I did something cruel to hurt someone that i love.. Feeling regret after doing it, but i have to ... i cant think of any other ways to solve it and i thought of this stupid idea and i hurted someone..

Happiness is not with me for a period of time , it had been in a hard time and it getting worst these days, getting depression all the time .. I'm out of mind.. I'm fine to be a bad person if it can make ones happy... What i can do is just Let the misunderstanding going on... what people think of me and so on... Sorry for being stupid, it just i have to....

i'm really afraid... God, am i doing the right thing ? i need your help..

The Truth hurts alot.

She is a forgotten soul
[ He doesn't talk to her as before ]
She is bleeding internally
[ He pierced her heart with a blade ]
She is dead mentally
[ He killed her with the truth ]
She was in love
[ He is the reason ]

I shouldn't start in the beginning...

“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt”

Fear

Today is Monday.... hmm... i dont think i had a plan.. Just feel like staying at home makes me feel so good even though it is quite bored... lolx...

It is the time to make myself cool down and make my mind clear. I have to face the fact even though it is quite painful... Flash back all the memories, oh no~... thts difficult...but what can i do ? I think i need to rest.. feeling regret why this happen to me ... My heart is numb...totally no feeling at all..

"what are you doing now " i wish to ask... but how ? I cant see, i cant feel, i cant touch... far far away from me.... T.T

I wish to sleep ....sleep forever....


Nattie.

Devils of the 1st degree.. F you..

There's different kind of people in this world... I'm so unlucky to have few weird and naive friends around me which making my life so damn pissed off and so complicated... even your best friends did that, It is not the first time.... Last night was a terrible night for me, I felt so hopeless on them. Everyone thinks that i'm a bitch, But i dont give a shit at all.. Talking bad about people , back stabbing on someone ... this is how they treat me ... Is this called as friend ? Maybe yes , but for me <> i cant accept this ... I dont mind to lose a friend and i'm NOT DESERVE to have this kind of friend. I dont need them at all...

Try to be more mature in everything, Having FUN and getting SERIOUS is different thing.. If they still cant differenciate between this 2 words , is time to go back to school . Being a 21s , but still act like kid.. what the fuck right ??! Anywyas, IT wont affect my daily life.. I need to work , and i need to take care of my family .. I'm working hard to going on with my life.. I love my family so much , why should i care of all this kind of small things ..

If they think that it is part of their entertainment life, go ahead then.. Talk more and comment more... As long as you guys feel happy , i dont mind to be a clown.. :) because i used to be a "clown". It is not working if i keep on fighting verbally with them.. becasue if i keep on making myself clear , they still prefer to stand in the other side. So i give up, keeping myself silent doesnt mean that i'm guilty ... It just becuase i feel so so so damn shame on you guys if i do it..

I"M TRUST NOBODY ...

"JUst be cool and ignore" - Thanks for the words from sweetie... i will remember that... :P



Keep on moving Nat !!!

Letting you go

Today is another day again... 14/09/09... It will be my tough day too~ I feel like my mind is so numb now and my heart feel so cold... it is painful.. I try to touch my heart ,and my tears rolling down..... I thought im enough of crying .. but the feeling is so bad... I wish to tell someone how i feel.. But i dont know where to start with. I called my mum , im happy to hear her voice but i dont want to make her worry about me so i just keep for myself ... i called my sister, i lost control... i cried... But... i kept for myself again... I dont wish to disturb anyone ...

Sitting on the floor , staring at the corner, listening to the songs.. my hands feel cold ... Flashing back all the memories that we have been go through... my tears drop... Everything will be back as usual ... It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you cant have them in your arms.. Love hurts when you break up with someone and it hurts even more when someone break up with you or cheating on you .. Love hurts when the person you love doesnt know how you feel.. But Love hurts most when the person you love is happy with someone now... Trying not to miss you too much, trying to forget you .. trying to give up everything..... I'm letting you go , you can do what you want... You're free now....

Be tough on myself ... be strong... and be cool........ no matter how sad am i , the ending will be the same.......................




Love,
Nat

Nothing... but Love

Here I sit on my bed thinking about all the things that I´ve been through ,there were times where I never thought I get to where I got to ... I need an angel to guide me, someone to lay on...
I could hold on to pain but that isnt what my life´s about and I'm not blaming nobody if I ain´t got my stuff worked out ... I got love for my self, and im not gonna regret anything I´ve done ....

Counting Down The Days

Every time when I'm standing in front of the mirror, I saw you.. You're there for 5 seconds and you disappeared. I smiled.. Looking at my face, my eyes.. they seems really tired and pain...I touched my eyes with my fingers, it was so warm and pain..Fingers feel the tears and i started to cry silently in my room.. It is hard to breath... Trying to take a long deep breath, but heart started to bleed at the same time.

Counting down the days.. but can i stop it ? I hate looking at the calendar... But i remember the date.. It makes me feel so pain ...


gloomy...


Natalie