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January 6, 2010

It came back again... why...

All the while i thought i might get rid of this feelings.. But , it came back again. It is inside my mind. The feeling is pain. Every morning once i wake up the first thing i do is .. Sitting infront of the mirror and look at myself.. look at my face... It looks tired and at the same time i feel pain in my heart. Whats wrong with me again ? There's something .... there's really got something.. it just i dont know how to express myself.. I feel helpless and i dont know where to start from. What should i do... Talking to friends is a good way .. but it just, i dont feel like telling them. I dont feel like disturbing them.. They're busy enough.. Family ? impossible.. they will worry about me ...

The purpose im writing here.. i need your advise.. Nowadays , i had a really bad dream... This is the first time and i woke up.. My tears kept on rolling down...I cried. I know something will happen. I'm scared..
Sitting at the balcony, i think of my past. Everything changed. Now , i feel like im just living alone. I dont feel like sharing. I wish to be shared but... i feel insecure.

I felt sorry for what i did in my past. Sorry for hurting someone that i love... sincerely apologize... but im forced to do that. It just because of this, i cant forgive myself.. I feel guilty.. i feel pain.. i hate this feeling.. But it just like a reminder for me.. it haunted me for a long time.. ........
really scared.........

1 comment:

Botak or Baldy said...

Nat... life goes on. We must move on.

I know exactly how you feel. I too wake up crying at times... tears in my eyes. And every time I think of her I still feel the pain... as though it just happened. I keep wondering if she truly forgives me.

Bt we must move on... to be fair to ourselves and the people around us.

Have a Happy Chinese New Year!